Fighting for myself
“I’m not worse than anyone else…” often need to repeat that to myself. In my early twenties, I met my ex-partner. He seemed to be perfect – calm and caring. We quickly fell for each other. It didn’t take long for us to move in together, then approx. year later I became pregnant. I was so happy! It started halfway through my pregnancy… I caught him taking drugs! For 2 years he was hiding it from me. He was addicted. At that point I wasn’t strong enough to leave, I hoped he would stop, he would choose us instead. But I was wrong, from that point it got only worse… He has changed. After my baby was born, I suffered from postnatal depression. I gained 30kg during pregnancy and guess what, it didn’t vanish after baby was born. Instead of support from my partner I was receiving abuse, being called fat, ugly and stupid which caused my compulsive eating. Had suicide thoughts but I knew I needed to survive for my baby. Every time I tried to do something for myself, exercise or eat healthy I was called selfish, he was putting me down. My self-esteem was the lowest it could be. I have isolated myself from friends. I was living like this for nearly five years. Then I realized I needed to change my life, nobody else will do it for me. I started to exercise, a little bit when he was at work. It gave me such a big power! He started to notice a change in my behaviour and he didn’t like it. Exercise changed my life, it gave me the power to leave him, after years of mental abuse. I’m still struggling with anxiety and low self-esteem, but I’m not giving up. Lockdown is not easy but I’m fighting, for myself, for my family. I believe the Peloton community would help me in my journey.